Diet Tribe & Weekly Reflection

There's this new show on Lifetime called "Diet Tribe" and I love it! It's about a group of friends who decide to lose weight together. Their personal trainer is Jessie (and he is HOT!) and each week he gives them challenges. The goal is to lose 30 lbs in 90 days. As I'm catching up on my weekly shows tonight, hop into my fat pants and grab a snack (an apple and peanut butter, by the way)... it's 9:30... hmm. Then Jessie starts giving tips: No eating at 10 pm. Well. I just blew that out of the water.

I've been doing not too shabby -- I've only used the elevator once (or twice)... but I'm getting better! AND I've drank all my water for week -- hey, it's the little things right? :)

Have a blessed weekend everyone!

Is it me?

I've done this one before, but I like it!

My Testimony of Faith

I may have blogged about my testimony before... but I speak a lot about my faith and my love of God, that I thought I'd share it again.

I've always gone to church. I don't remember ever putting up a fight on Sunday mornings. Things weren't always easy in our house, but it's the one thing that was for me. Growing up the Lutheran church, I always assumed that being baptized and confirmed, I was "good to go." I've learned so much about having a relationship with Christ, it's amazing! When I was in high school I was helping out with Vacation Bible School. When I was in college I was active in Campus Crusade for Christ, teaching confirmation, and preschool Sunday School (even back then, God knew what he was doing... :)). In 2006, I began to get a tug on my heart. That's generally how God speaks to me... he says, "hey...(nudge)... this is what I have for you." CJ had just became the Director of Children's Ministries at her church. (God again says, "Hey... you should go.")

Looking back now it's quite amazing how things fell into place. I told my parents I was moving, the next day gave my two weeks notice at my job. Two weeks later I was packed and ready to go. Don't think the enemy didn't have his hand in it too. The week I was supposed to move the battery in my car went out. On my last day at work, my stepdad picked me up, took me to my house, jumped my car so I could drive it to my uncle's shop and get a new battery. Two days later I was singing "Kansas City here I come!"

The significance of events is nice too and I'm glad that God had it planned that way. I had planned on packing and leaving Lincoln early morning. I didn't get out of town until almost 2 pm. An hour later, as I was driving into Nebraska City to hit I-29, my mom passes me going the opposite direction, toward Syracuse. I wave and she calls me to say "good-bye."

Once I arrive in Kansas City, I managed to find temp jobs from October - December. I interviewed for a job in December, but it wouldn't start until January... the afternoon I was hired for that position, the same staffing agency called with a temp job that would last until December 30th. God is AMAZING, I tell you!!

I'm continually in awe of His grace and mercy. I thank Him everyday for allowing me the opportunities to serve Him. My favorite Bible verses are: Romans 8:28, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." and Hebrews 11:1, "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." So true, so true...

Thanks for reading and I pray you've found some encouragement.

Even I knew that!

Tonight as I'm driving home from work, CJ's giving me a list of things to do when I get home. She wanted me to get dinner started before I went to Youth Service. She told me to start the noodles so she could make goulash, but to make sure the water was boiling first. At first I was like "ok, who didn't know that?" Apparently, there are people who don't know that! :)

How many times are we given instruction and we turn a deaf ear? Pretending we heard and were only half paying attention. How often does it happen with God's word? Proverbs 28:9 says, "If anyone turns a deaf ear to the law, even his prayers are detestable." If we turn away from God's law, God detests our prayers -- He's flat out not listening. If we continually ask God for things that we want, but aren't living the life of His law, He's not going to give us what we want. Some people think that God doesn't answer prayers. I'm a firm believer that He answers all prayers, but sometimes His answer is no.

May we all clean out the deaf ear and live a life of Christ.

Day 1... again

I know what you're thinking. Yes, I'm starting over. I was talking with Christi today about how much weight I could lose before I go to Haiti. Her being the sweet girl that she is, knows me and my lack of will power, and how many times I've dieted since we've started working together; gives me a good number, that we both think is doable. I love her because she's so encouraging yet knows me well enough to keep it real.

After work I go to the gym, doing my thing... thinking I'm going to kill myself. I'm parched and I feel my face getting hot. Then, there she is. The woman on the phone. Not kidding... on the phone going around the circuit. Oh my gosh!!! Annoyance! I finish my work out (burning 336 calories I might add) and get out of dodge! Good golly! When I'm working out I'm in my mode... I just want to go through my circuit, stretch, and go.

Looking forward to the hurting abs in the morning! :)

Get ready!

I kind of did a 2008 Review, but I thought instead of doing a reflection of the last year, I thought I'd write the things I'm looking forward to in 2009.

*Missions Trip to Haiti, taking place April 3-12.
*Getting deeper in my relationship with Christ.
*Many more travel adventures, so I can use my new luggage! :)
*Seeing Kyle graduate from high school.

On my birthday I wrote 15 things I'd like to do before I'm 30. I'm excited for 2009 as a chance to get started on this list; since I turn 30 in 2010. ;) New Years Eve was great! We didn't do much but visit, eat, and watch New Years Even Live in Vegas. I love spending time visiting with friends I can't see every day - and going to bed at 4 am! New Years Day we vegged most of the day and then got ready that evening and went to Abuelos for dinner. All in all, a weekend - I could get used to having 4 days off every week! :)

I hope you all had a great New Years no matter what you did. Wish you all the joy and happiness in 2009!

Who are you?

Your result for Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz...

You Are a Marilyn!

You are a Marilyn -- "I am affectionate and skeptical."

Marilyns are responsible, trustworthy, and value loyalty to family, friends, groups, and causes. Their personalities range broadly from reserved and timid to outspoken and confrontative.

How to Get Along with Me

• * Be direct and clear


• * Listen to me carefully


• * Don't judge me for my anxiety


• * Work things through with me


• * Reassure me that everything is OK between us


• * Laugh and make jokes with me


• * Gently push me toward new experiences


• * Try not to overreact to my overreacting.

What I Like About Being a Marilyn

• * being committed and faithful to family and friends


• * being responsible and hardworking


• * being compassionate toward others


• * having intellect and wit


• * being a nonconformist


• * confronting danger bravely


• * being direct and assertive

What's Hard About Being a Marilyn

• * the constant push and pull involved in trying to make up my mind


• * procrastinating because of fear of failure; having little confidence in myself


• * fearing being abandoned or taken advantage of


• * exhausting myself by worrying and scanning for danger


• * wishing I had a rule book at work so I could do everything right


• * being too critical of myself when I haven't lived up to my expectations

Marilyns as Children Often

• * are friendly, likable, and dependable, and/or sarcastic, bossy, and stubborn


• * are anxious and hypervigilant; anticipate danger


• * form a team of "us against them" with a best friend or parent


• * look to groups or authorities to protect them and/or question authority and rebel


• * are neglected or abused, come from unpredictable or alcoholic families, and/or take on the fearfulness of an overly anxious parent

Marilyns as Parents

• * are often loving, nurturing, and have a strong sense of duty


• * are sometimes reluctant to give their children independence


• * worry more than most that their children will get hurt


• * sometimes have trouble saying no and setting boundaries

Take Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz at HelloQuizzy

2008 Review

~ What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before? Experienced Times Square and New York City.
~ Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Umm... I started out ok... and will probably make the same resolution that I've done for the last 5 years. ;)
~ Did anyone close to you give birth? Meghan and Val -- both had little girlies!
~ Did anyone close to you die? My grandma
~ What countries did you spend time in this year? Just the US
~ What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008? The faceless man of my dreams
~ What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? My grandma dying; the many events I've done thanks to volunteering for K-Love.
~ What was your biggest achievement of the year? I'm still alive and kickin... that's always a good achievement.
~ What was your biggest failure? Not losing the weight I need to.
~ Did you suffer any serious injury or illness? Nope
~ What was the best thing you bought? Plane tickets to all of my adventures! :)
~ Whose behavior merited celebration? My 28th birthday
~ Whose behavior made you appalled and/or depressed? Ugh.
~ Where did most of your money go? Bills
~ What did you get really, really, really excited about? My birthday was super!
~ Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? little sadder
b) thinner or fatter? fatter
c) richer or poorer? hmm... richer
~ What do you wish you'd done more of? Give
~ What do you wish you'd done less of? Worry
~How did you spend Christmas? in Nebraska visiting both sides of the fam.
~ Did you fall in love in 2008? Don't I wish :)
~ What are the main websites you used? gmail, facebook, myspace
~ What was your favorite TV program? One Tree Hill, Jon & Kate Plus 8, Little People Big World.
~ Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? Nope
~ What was the best book you read? Ugh. Who has time!?
~ What did you want and not get? hmmm
~ What was your favorite film of this year? PS I love you
~ What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 28... we went to Cheeseburger in Paradise for dinner and then bowling.
~ What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? well...
~ How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008? my fashion what?
~ What kept you sane? My friends
~ What political issue stirred you the most? Ugh. Obama.
~ Who did you miss? My grandma.
~ Who was the best new person you met? I've met a lot of people this year!
~ Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008: To never be anxious, taking my requests to God, always giving thanks.
~ What sums up this year? (a word, a quote...?) God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.

On the road again...

This month I've gone to Nebraska three times. This goes out to my "road buddies"; the people I can call when I'm driving, and count on them to keep me awake. I don't think I've talked to my friend Ronda so much as I talked to her this weekend. Loved the convos though! :) As I'm driving south on I-29, barely to St. Joe, I start scrolling through the contact list.... realizing there's not many people that I would call when I'm on the road at 9 pm (or 9 am for that matter). I called a couple people and had to live voicemails. I texted a couple people, but texting at night scares me, so I quickly turned to the contact list again. LOL

Family time was good; unsolicited advice and constant nagging were not. I think I'm good until Christmas. ;) I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday. Who's ready to go to Silver Dollar City?! :)

Holidays of firsts..

A few of my cousins and I have been mentioning this week how these holidays that are fast approaching, are quite frankly, going to suck.

My birthday has came went... and it's been hard for me to comprehend that there won't be a card in my mailbox telling me where Thanksgiving is this year and that she hopes to see me "on the 23rd at the Town Hall." After living 'away' for quite awhile, I'm going to miss these cards. In another month I won't get a Christmas card telling me where that family celebration will be held either.

There are always those who move on through life as if nothing has changed. Then there's who ponder (like me) and sometimes make more of a mess in your brain. For those of you who will also be having holidays of 'firsts'... I'll be praying for you.

This week's Memory Monday

"He will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me. Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life."

Memory Monday

Meg found this on a blog site, so we're each going to do this.

Each Monday our goal is to pick a verse or passage to memorize for the upcoming week. And the next Monday, we will type it out BY MEMORY and choose another one. We are both picking different ones to memorize. Who wants to join us?

Birthday Reflection

Yesterday Meg did a birthday reflection for herself. It got me thinking about my own birthday and things that I would like to reflect on.

The "late 20s" are upon me. It's kind of sad, but pushing 30 is mildly depressing. I've realized that after all these years of complaining of a curfew of midnight -- I'm still the good girl who's home by midnight. LOL

Things I'm thankful for:

Family: I complain about you, but I can't imagine my family being anyone else. I love each and every one of you in your own unique way. I like to think my family has instilled in me the morals that make me who I am, even if they don't know it.

Friends: You're so much like my family - each different, yet connect to me in a different way. I'm so grateful that God has placed each one of you in my life; whether it be for a season or a lifetime, I love you. I'm thankful to those who teach me lessons and attempt to encourage me daily. :)

Faith: My faith has brought me so far and continues to test me. I've overcome a lot, but there's a lot yet to come. To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did. When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better. I'm a firm believer in everything happens for a reason. God is teaching me that it's not ok to be content... if you're content, you don't grow.

Rainbows: My kids at church have taught me so much in the last 2 years. When they come to my classroom, I don't know their home life, I don't know their stories, but hanging out with them for an hour and a half every week has been amazing.

Soldiers: Past, present, and future... Including my Aunt Peggy, you're the bravest people I know. Thank you so much for serving our Country and putting your life on the line for MY freedom.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In all fairness, my life is pretty great. I have food, shelter, clothing... a lot of things that a lot of people don't have. I know God will continue to test me and shake me... and I pray the next year is the best yet! I love you guys!

Crazy Eights

8 Favorite TV Shows (in no specific order)
1. 90210
2. One Tree Hill
3. Jon & Katie Plus 8
4. Friends
5. Little People Big World
6. Two and a half men
7. Ugly Betty
8. 17 Kids and Counting


8 Favorite Restaurants
1. Cheesecake Factory
2. La Paz - Lincoln
3. Yia Yia's - Lincoln
4. Chipotle
5. Dairy Chef - Syracuse
6. Red Robin
7. El Toro - Lincoln
8. Olive Garden


8 Things that happened yesterday
1. I went to church
2. I went bowling!
3. I ate way too much!
4. I listened to a Christmas program
5. I texted
7. I worked
8. I downloaded pictures


8 Things I'm looking forward to
1. The Holidays
2. My birthday
3. My aunt Peggy coming home
4. Winter Wonderslam next weekend
5. Going to Nebraska in two weeks
6. Work Christmas party
7. Upcoming Christmas concerts
8. a day off! :)


8 Things I love about Fall
1. Tree colors
2. hoodie weather!
3. hot chocolate
4. sitting in front of the fire
5. Being with family
6. Holiday parties
7. Christmas plays
8. Christmas music!

8 Things on my wish list
1. Bring the troops home
2. People to treat others how they want to be treated
3. Not be so judgmental
4. My car to be fixed
5. Everyone in the world to have food and shelter
6. For everyone to be healthy
7. more sleep ;)
8. no more debt

Sunrise to Sunset: weekend recap

So, this weekend I took a little trip to Nebraska. It was nice. Very few people knew I was there; which made it all the better. No stresses about who to hang out with!!

Saturday I took off at 4:45 (yes, a.m.), muddled through the fog, and arrived in S-town at 8:30. I went with my brother and mom to the funeral of two kids that were killed last week in a car accident. I was so glad that I got to spend time with Dylan and be there for him.

Saturday night I went to dinner with Shawn and Sadie... love those two! We had a blast hanging out - and wearing the Speed Racer helmet! haha! Sunday morning I skipped church and went to grandpa's for waffles with Shawn. Nothing beats waffles and talking about hunting... or maybe just the waffles. :) Then I went to hang out with mom and we (ok, she) ended up making monkey bread and homemade runzas. YUM!!

All-in-all was good and relaxing; however, I hate daylight savings time! Who's ready for a nap?!

The difference

Tonight as I was attempting to console two teenagers, I quickly realized how different girls and boys react to different things. Not like I never knew, but I've never had to console my brother and sister about the same thing.

The reader's digest version of the story: tonight I got home and Dylan had sent me a message with a link to a news story (which for him is odd in itself). The story was about 3 teenagers who died in a car accident. I immediately called him to see if he was ok - no answer. After a few minutes he came online and we talked about it (as much as I could muster out of him). My goal was to basically reassure him that I'm there if he ever needs to talk about stuff.

My sister on the other hand, was a different story. She was very angry, voiced a few angers at God for taking them so young. This question is always hard to answer, no matter how old you are.

I can't imagine dealing with these feelings at 15/16 years old. At the same time, talking to these two made my heart ache. I hate seeing them sad; I can't think how I would feel if they were my kids. You can't change what's already done, but I hope this is a chance for God to grasp the future.

On a shelf

I've recently done something that I now regret. I always say there are no regrets - just lessons learned; which is a true statement. However, in this case - I'm pretty sure I regret it. I've initiated a conversation with someone and now wish I hadn't. He's a great guy, but he has an issue of being friends with the opposite sex. He's in it all or nothing basically. So now, I think that since I started the conversation, he thinks I mean more than I really do.

I was asking people for thoughts on the subject. CJ who has been trough this with me the first time with this guy - said "sometimes you just have to leave them on the shelf." And ya know, I think she's right. Why is it that we constantly have to bring up stuff from the past, no matter how painful it was? I mostly do this with relationships I've had. Is it because I miss them... or the idea? I think it's the idea... and I hate that. I want to be content in my singleness for the season that God has placed me here. Why can't I just leave them on the shelf? So... my messenger is getting a little fall cleaning... people who send me back 10 paces are out. Those who encourage and support are in.

Pondering a season of change... again.

Before I'm 30

Things I'd like to accomplish or do before I'm 30; in no particular order.

1. Lose weight - more specifically; ALL the weight I need to reach my ideal weight.
2. Go on a missions trip
3. Go on a cruise
4. Take care of my debt
5. Swim with dolphins
6. Go to Boston
7. See the Red Sox play at Fenway.
8. Meet the currently faceless man of my dreams.
9. Learn to play the piano.
10. Grow in my relationship with God.
11. Improve the relationship with my parents.
12. Become a better communicator.
13. Stop sweating the petty stuff.
14. Broaden my culture horizons
15. Read the entire Bible.


Yes, Meg... I'd better get crackin! :)

I'm getting old... lol

Today my baby brother turns 18. How did this happen??? LOL... I'm so excited for him to begin a new journey. He's such a great kid (not so much anymore...) and deserves the best. Someone buy me stock in tissues when May comes. :-)

In one month I'll turn 28. How did THAT happen? I've cherished the journey that God has brought me through and can't wait for the next curve in the road. Next year's birthday trip: BOSTON BABY!!!!!!!!!!!! Who's up for a trip to Fenway? :)

Random things

10 things I wish I could say to 10 different people
1. You truly are 'the best man'...
2. I've always looked up to you
3. I'm forever grateful for your wisdom.
4. For once I wish you'd say you're proud...
5. I wish you weren't so hypocritical
6. Thank you for always being there.
7. I love you like a sister!
8. I miss you.
9. I am happy for you... truly.
10. I can't wait to see you walk down the aisle. :)


9 things about myself
1. I worry too much
2. I love "hoodie weather"
3. My family & friends are my life
4. I rarely believe in myself
5. I love Mexican food!
6. I love weddings
7. I hate that I use sarcasm as a defense mechanism.
8. I hate Times Square
9. I love kids


8 ways to win my heart
1. Love my friends and family
2. tell me I look beautiful
3. Love kids
4. Have a relationship with God
5. Don't lie
6. random acts of love
7. sing to me (even if you can't sing well!)
8. Love me for me.


7 awesome movies
1. Field of Dreams
2. Definitely, Maybe
3. The Bucket List
4. Fever Pitch
5. Hitch
6. Freaky Friday
7. Ray


6 things you do before you sleep
1. watch the news
2. set my alarm
3. talk to God
4. think - sometimes too much!
5. brush my teeth
6. lotion up! :)

5 people who mean a lot
1. God
2. Parents & siblings
3. My girls
4. my church kids
5. Those who encourage and support me


4 things you're wearing right now
1. fat pants
2. tank
3. glasses
4. lotion

3 songs that you listen to often (currently)
1. The Journey - Caleb Rowden Band
2. Time of My Life - David Cook
3. I will not be moved - Natalie Grant

2 things you want to do before you die
1. Have a family
2. travel the world - included all major league baseball parks :)

1 confession
1. Sometimes I like being a girly girl.

Hair

Let me know what you think! I'm looking to change the color... going darker I think with blonde highlights. Not sure about the shortness...

Under the Same Moon

So this weekend, CJ and I tried something new... down time. Saturday night we rented a movie called "Under the Same Moon." So good! It's about a young boy in Mexico who travels to the U.S. to find his mother after his grandma passes away. I highly recommend this movie! It's kind of predictable, but so good... you'll laugh, you'll cry, and everything in between.

I'm so refreshed (yay for that)! This weekend we did so very little. Spent time visiting with our company, ate some wonderful food at Cheesecake factory, and took many naps. I watched a bit of the Olypmics, which is always a good time.

My aunt is currently on her way back to Kansas from Iraq for her 18 days leave. She'll be here some time this week and then I'll see her next weekend when I'm in Nebraska. So excited about that. I'm ready to get working out again and my schedule to return to normal (whatever that means)... oh, and my feet are down to normal size. :-) I'm getting my hair done on Wednesday... experimenting with something different. Be prepared to make comments on a future blog with some hair styles/colors.

Have a wonderful week everyone! :-)

There's no crying in baseball!

Last week I stated that it was so exhausting for me. Well, it's gonna get worse before it gets better. I'm pretty sure THIS week has been one of the worst ever. Last weekend my family (stepdad and two brothers) were in KC. We went to two baseball games and they went to Worlds of Fun. I loved having them here and wish I could have spent more time with them. I opted out of WOF because I dislike that sorta thing... anyway, we had fun (see my pictures for the good times).

VBS is this week and it's a good thing it's over tomorrow night. Not that I don't love my kids, because those of you that know me, know better than that. My first night (Tuesday) I made two kids cry. Yup. Actually, it was the fact that they're a little less than disciplined at home. So when Miss Leslie says "no" it's all over.

There's a new boy in my class. I really want him to come to Rainbows. He's absolutely adorable. Kenney is 4 and currently has a broken arm. Which makes it so hard for him to do some of the stuff. I've stuck with him and helped him quite a bit. Sometimes if I catch him not playing a game, or not singing, I'll ask what's wrong. He'll just respond with, "I need a break." Yeah... me too, buddy, me too. Kids know how to say it. I wish I could deal with them 24/7 instead of adults. Adults are just dumb - it's not just boys anymore.

Throughout the week, at least 4 of my kids have cried. (It's not my fault I swear)! All for different reasons... a couple have been rowdy and fallen and then there's those who don't like that 'no' word. So... tonight, it was my turn. The last two weeks have cracked me... I honestly had a breakdown. Not to be a whiney butt... but I'm tired, I'm cranky, my ankle hurts, my blood pressure has been like a rollercoaster, my feet are so swollen I need to invest stock in water pills, and I'm pretty sure my blood sugar is low as I sit here at midnight.

So of course when things are snowballing, I start thinking about my life, and how is this really where I pictured myself at 27? Sheesh. I punish myself way too much for not doing more... in any aspect of life. Things I wish I could change, but somehow don't have control over. The things I do have control over are so out of hand, it's hard to grasp them.

Things to come: We're having company this weekend, next weekend I'll be in Nebraska, the weekend after that we're having girls weekend (bridal shower for Pamela), and then it's 5 fabulous days in Chicago and NYC. In the midst of all that, Rainbows are starting up again, Children's Church, and I think Halloween is coming....

I think it's time for bed... but I'm not sure I'm tired.

Battle wounds of the week

This has been kind of a tough week for me... physically speaking. As CJ and I prepare for Vacation Bible School next week, we've been at church every night, not getting home before 10 pm.

One day as I'm leaving work, I totally biffed it in our office. I think I hit my head on the way down... ouch! I get home and on the way to the door, almost fall AGAIN on the driveway. Are you kiddin me??? I think my equilibrium is off. :) We're at church that night and I made a comment about how I kept falling to my knees. CJ said "maybe God is trying to tell you something."

This got me to thinking... I absolutely love spending time with my church kids. I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world. However, I miss church. I miss fun music that I can clap my hands and sing at the top of my lungs to. I miss Pastor Bob's sermons... I NEED TO BE FED!

As I said VBS is next week... we're doing SonWorld Adventure Park. Last night me and another gal were ironing on transfers to the shirts for the kids. In the midst of this, I'm taking a transfer off a shirt and my arm catches the iron. YIKES! Now, I have a nice little battle scar there.

I think I need an off day. :) Hope everyone is having a fabulous weekend!

Let's talk about s-e-x

The recurring theme this week is teenagers and sex. Seriously! Everywhere I go - this topic seems to come up. I'm amazed at what teenagers know and do. I'm 27 years old and these teenagers (barely...13, 14, etc) have done more than me. This week I've constantly been flabbergasted at the conversations I've heard from teenagers.

With all this talk... tonight I'm at sonic getting a blast and a soda. Two cars down I hear this man order a "Route 44 orgasm." WHAT?????? Oh my gosh! Not kidding, almost lost IT!

What is this world coming to?

I'm sure I could drag this out, but I'm tired.. :) Tomorrow's Friday - who's excited?

Man's work

Thursday night, I'm on my way home from work. I go to turn the corner... turn my blinker on and get that annoying "clink clink clink" that means that one of my bulbs is out. I text my brother and ask him if he wants to come down and change it. He brought out the middle name and told me I could do it because it wasn't that hard.

I already had a bulb because I'd bought a pack the last time a bulb went out. So... I open the trunk... and get down to business. It took me awhile, but I finally got the bulb changed. It was then that I realized that I needed a man around to do these things. :-)

It was also then that I realized that I need a Christian version of my brother. My little brother takes pretty good care of me when it comes to my car. He's changed bulbs, helped fix windows, given me advise when something's wrong... Hmmm... I wonder where I can find a man like him (other than the bar)...

Yay for having working blinkers! :-)

Cannot imagine

So, one of my little church kids came up to me yesterday, with a ball in her hand and a sad look on her face. She asked "Can you play catch with me?" I gladly said sure!

Knowing this girl's story and what her home life is like, I began to ponder. Her mom is a stay at home mom, her dad works all day. I cannot IMAGINE having the option to stay at home with my kids all day long and not want to spend time with them; puzzles, games, whatever. Not many women have that option anymore and to be with a man whose ambition is to provide for his family would be phenominal. To see the hurt in this little girl's eyes because her mom never plays with her, claiming to not have the time... Just gut wrenching.

When the girl's little brother says that when he asks for help and his mom says no... Makes me want to eat them up!

Here's to spending time with kids. Love them to pieces!

Wow...

It's been awhile since I've blogged over here. :) Life has been pretty crazy, but good. Christmas is fastly approaching. I've been dealing with some mild drama within my family (and amongst some friends), and dealing with the confusions of boys. Drama is one thing I could never figure out (I guess guys are another... hehe). When I see these drama-filled lives, I thank God for how simple my life is. I work, I do church stuff, I teach missionettes. This pretty much sums it up and I like it.

Since the last time I blogged, I had a birthday (27...yikes), went to see Garth Brooks in concert, have visited Nebraska for turkey day, and got baptized. Not in that order. I was baptized as an infant - three months old to be exact. I was baptized 3 days after I turned 27 and absolutely nothing compares to this feeling. It was truly emotional. Lying back into the pool of water, I was like "ok, here we go." As I sat up and my eyes focused the first person I see is CJ sitting in the front row. As my pastor began talking, I felt a rush of the Holy Spirit come over me and a flood of tears soon followed. Pastor asked if I would like to say a few words and with choked on words, I shook my head and said no. Wow - what a feeling.

Anyway, I just wanted to check in. Hopefully I'll blog again before Christmas. :) Hope this finds you all well.

Random Ramblings

Wow. I haven't blogged in awhile.

I cannot believe it's November. In 14 days I'll be 27. One more year closer to 30. Hokey doodle. This morning as I was driving to work viewing all the frost on the fields, it hit me. It's November. Thanksgiving is fastly approaching and there's only 3 paychecks until Christmas. Jeez. Where did this year go?! As I'm planning birthday weekend, deciding when to get my car fixed so I can trek it up to Nebraska for Christmas...

Christmas. I need to shop. What to get for who? And who has time to shop?! Here's where the internet comes in handy. Online shopping with specials on delivery... yay. My saving grace. Woohoo. :-)

Servant?

About a month or so ago, I took a test to see what my spiritual gifts were. One of my top three is Servant. I joyfully look forward to the day when Christ leads me home and says "Well done, my good and faithful servant."

So, after being a Christian since 1999, I'm getting baptized again. I was baptized as an infant, but I feel that this is an important outward thing for me to go through in my walk with Him. Yesterday, I got an email from my pastor about the baptism and he ended it by saying "Thank you for all you do... you are a wonderful servant."

This put so much joy in my heart, I can't even begin to describe. I've always had this servant attitude about me. When I was in youth group, I was always first to volunteer. When I was in college, I was often the only one in Thursday night Bible Study. Thinking about getting baptized has taken me back to my short months at Wayne State and the people there that highly impacted my walk.

My days at Wayne State were absolutely fabulous. It's here where my faith walk truly began and it holds a special place in my heart. I didn't confess it with my mouth until a month later, proclaiming Christ as the center of my life. Having told Campus Crusade sponsors this right before moving back home, one of the sponsors asked what my middle initial was. He promptly began calling me Leslie Amazing. He was dumbfounded that someone with a servant heart as mine hadn't truly been in "that place" until I had been involved in nearly every Crusade activity for weeks. *sigh* I need to go email him now.

May God truly AMAZE you with His ever sufficient love and grace, no matter the circumstances.

33 Miles

Ok, so this week CJ and I went and saw 33 Miles for like the fourth time this year. They are AMAZING! We're in the midst of worshiping and having amazing time... and the next thing I hear is BOING! I'm thinking "what is that?" and I hear it again!! I look over and the guy next to me is taking pictures with his camera phone. Now, I'm all for taking pictures and capturing the moment, goodness knows I do it, but seriously... at least turn the annoying sound off.

Back in the moment, I'm praying to God about the situations I've come to face... once again... the next sound I hear is the guy with the BOING! phone, is talking... to the people behind us... NOW, I'm annoyed. It's like talking in church! SHHHH! I glance over briefly, and it appears that he's now hugging up on his girlfriend. OH BROTHER!! Seriously. I've come here to worship, please respect others around you by pretending you're in church and shhhing and keeping the PDA to minimum. I find it cute when girlfriends/boyfriends or spouses hold hands during prayer or worship... but c'mon now. No one wants to watch you huggin up on each other in the midst of the moment.

Despite the annoyances the show was absolutely amazing and we talked with them a little afterwards and they signed my CD. WOOHOO! Then I think about the other artists we've met and how humble they are and down to earth.

Makes me want to be an indian giver... :-) haha!

9/11

Wow... six years. I can't believe it's been six years already. As I was driving to work today, I was replaying the day in my head. I wasn't working at the time, so I was sitting at home with my mom. My grandpa calls freaking out, telling my mom to turn on the news. We were probably watching some lame movie on Lifetime if I know my mom. :)

Like most people, I can remember the images on tv, the sound of Dan Rather's voice giving us updates... Many wrote songs about the event -- I think Alan Jackson said it best in "Where were you..." As my family, and many others, prepares for our loved ones to go to Iraq, my eyes tear up thinking about those who will never see their loved ones again, who lost their lives in the tragic events.

My prayer for America today is that we take some time to stop and pray for our soldiers. Retired, active, lost at war... they're giving their lives for us. They're giving the ultimate sacrifice for our freedom. Thank you to all of our soldiers.

Dare to Compare

Why must we constantly be compared to others? "Why can't you be like your brother, like father like daughter, etc..." In today's society we are always being compared to someone - whether it's reality or not.

My mom has always said "You are your father's daughter..." Until lately I've always thought this to be a negative thing, and taking it how she means it. Instead of being in the bitter barn and focusing on how my dad used to be, I've finally made that decision that maybe he really is a different guy -- one that's not so bad. One that I wouldn't mind being compared to.

On the same token, wouldn't it be nice to be seen for who we REALLY are? For instance, my brothers and I are like night and day. However, they don't truly sees ME for me. My mom knows that my relationship with Christ is me, but she doesn't get it because she's not part of that. Just because you don't get it, is no reason to compare to everyone else in your world. If we were all the same, life would be boring. :)

Heard that before

Lately my blogs have been about my cynicism. So keeping with this topic (lol) why is it that guys always says "I'm the nicest guy you'll ever meet" or "I'm one of a kind." Yeah, I've heard that so many times and it has yet to be true. I was perusing around on the Christian singles site that I belong to; and the very last paragraph of a profile was "I warn women "I'm the nicest guy you'll ever meet." Oh right. I immediately clicked out of it.

At the beginning of my current state of confusion, I made the comment that it was "too good to be true." He didn't understand this comment until he read the book "Captivating." None the less, I think he got it, but at the same time -- I was right; once again.

Has cynicism gotten the best of me? I've always been a very trusting person, but I no longer believe what anyone says -- no matter what the topic is or who says it. My msn quote states it best for now, "All I want is for ONE guy to prove to me that they aren't all the same."

I'm just sayin.

Parental Advisory

One of my greatest pet peeves is how people talk in front of their children. There is a time and a place for behavior like this and some people have no boundaries. When you are attending an event, where little children are present... bite your tongue! Ok, you might bite it off, but maybe that will be helpful in the long run.

Some people do not get the concept that children repeat... EVERYTHING! They're not stupid by any means, but they don't know better. It's the parent's responsibility to teach children boundaries, but what if the parents don't have any either? The children go through the motions of life, confused about what's right on wrong, based on what they're taught at home.

As a person who works with children's ministries, I know some very well mannered children and I thank God for their parents and the boundaries they're teaching them. My prayer is that we can raise our children to be disciples of Christ, not a terror on wheels not knowing how the world works. Raise them to be well mannered and well behaved boys and girls, not cussing like sailors.

Princess Heart

Remember when you were younger and played dress up and called yourself a princess? Those were the days when my dad would call me princess. Now life is full of the never-ending drama, with absolutely no time to play dress up, never mind the fact that you feel nothing like a princess!!

I've just finished reading "Keeping a Princess Heart" by Nicole Johnson. It's so hard to be princess-like when your heart is closed and your attitude is cynical. Then you have the people that don't feel like princess' so they adjust their looks to get closer to the feeling -- fake nails, tanning, fake hair, ... you name it, we've done it to improve the look on the outside. Improving our looks on the outside, doesn't change what's in our hearts. A princess heart knows in her heart of hearts that the world is not a fairy tale, but the King is there and has us convinced that "all will be well."

Yes, there might be times when we're standing in a pile of quick sand, but God brought us to it and He alone can bring us through it. Might not be easy keeping that princess heart, but I'd rather struggle than pretend to have the LOOK - and be fake about it. My princess heart is hurting and aching, but God is continually molding it and shaping it...

In this book, Nicole explains that women want the ending. It's true! If you tell us to wait - we will wait - but tell us WHY. Give us a purpose to wait for and what's going to happen in the end. What happens at the end of the love story? Happily ever after... and of course ever after is never happy. The single woman feels alone because she's not married, the married woman wants the freedom... we're never satisfied in our roles.

A couple days ago I blogged about someday my prince coming... some day that prince will find this princess heart and treasure it, like the rare jewel it is.

Advice

Lately I've been thinking about the advice I've been receiving from a few people regarding my state of confusion. Do you ever look at the people giving you advice and evaluate their life? For the most part, the people giving me advice can't even get their own lives together. What makes them think I would take what they have to say and run with it?

Some say I'm wise beyond my years, but when people can't be smart and have the tiniest bit of common sense. I'm not saying I have my act all together and have a right to be giving advice, but when people (these no common sense people) ask my opinion, I've learned that sugar coating isn't the way to go. We aren't playing candyland in life. Maybe before people give advice to others, they should evaluate their own issues and dare I say, drama. :) The pot and the kettle need to get together and keep their noses out of my business. :) ... I'm just sayin.

My prayer is that God give me the strength to deal with these advice givers and the courage to stand up and say get your own act together.

Someday my prince will come

Last night I was having a conversation with my one of my friends. She's been married for just over a year and her husband takes very good care of her. We were talking about a couple of friends of ours who seem to "find" men who pay their way... thus they've had a few free vacations in the last several years. Then she asked me if I'd heard anything from my current state of confusion. My response was (jokingly), "No, but he can't buy me free vacations..."

I am not one of those women that look at how much money a man makes. Can he provide for himself? Is he going to be able to provide for our future family? These are things that I think of. During this conversation, she says, "I believe that God has a man out there that can take you on free vacations to wonderful places. He will bring you yours..."

In the book "Redeeming Love" by Francine Rivers, a modern telling of the story of Gomer and Hosea... Michael is a man who knows that this woman is who God is sending for him. When he sees that this woman is a prostitute, he challenges God. "God, she CANNOT be the ONE." Michael did everything he could to bring Angel to him -- to convince her that they were meant to be together because God said so. He pursued her like no other man has pursued before. Michael trusted with all his heart... even when times were bad, Angel wasn't convinced and he wanted to just let her go.

I, personally, would rather have a Michael than a "mr. big checkbook." But can we have both? The man who is secure is his checkbook to provide for us AND give us the vacations we desire, but to also have his heart so lost in God, that he trusts that I was the ONE, even when he saw me at my lowest point. I pray for him daily; I pray that God will prepare my heart for this man that will one day amaze me beyond comprehension.

My prayer for us ladies today, is that God will bring you your Michael and your "mr. big checkbook" in your own package... that God will put you in the circumstance, that divine appointment, to bring you together. That this man will pursue you like no other. Prepare your hearts, it's going to be a bumpy ride.

drama, drama, drama

So, lately the word DRAMA has been filling my conversations. I, myself, have been wondering why people would want to live this way. If your life is drama-filled -- fine. It's your own thing to deal with. But why, why, WHY would you want to vent and spread this drama throughout the land? I've been dealing with some very dramatic people lately... I love you all dearly, but please. Something's gotta give!

Then you have those are so wrapped up in their own drama, they don't care about your stuff. Yes, we all have gunk. And I'm sorry -- the past couple weeks, my gunk has gotten me a little down, therefore I don't have the energy or patience level to deal with YOUR drama.

My prayer for you today is that you can pray against the attitude that the enemy is putting in us (including me) and causing us to not shine God's light of love. I also pray against the drama queens and kings, that they can keep it in their own little kingdom. :)

People in life

My current favorite CD is Building 429's new one, called Iris to Iris. Songs about standing closer than you've ever been, face to face with God, in awe at His beauty. My favorite is one called "Stand Amazed" and the chorus says, "You've got me right You want me...You've got me right where I need to be..." As I ponder these words, I think about the people that God has placed in my life. I don't believe in coincidences. I believe that people, if even in your life for just a season, will teach you something and there's a reason for it. You needed to learn something from that.

Whether your experience ended in good or bad, people fade away. You can choose to take it with a grain of salt and find the lesson that God is trying to teach you through that person. A lot of people have come in and out of my life, trust me, I'm not saying it's easy. In fact, sometimes it's hard and it down right sucks.

Another song on the same CD is called "Constant." Hmm... these seem to fit. No matter who's in my life, who's coming or going; God has me in a place where I need to be. Where HE wants me: Seeking Him in all that do, no matter how people are treating me or who is in my life -- or not. He is the one thing that is a constant for me in a world of change.

My prayer for you today is that you can look in the face of God and stand amazed at His constant mercies, grace, and love.

Fathers (part 2)

Last month I wrote a blog about dads. I had mentioned some things about my own dad that at the time were very true. Last week when I was in Nebraska, I saw a totally different side of my dad; and I'm pretty sure he saw a different side of me.

My dad has always been the dad that's just existed, never really been there, so to speak. I've never been daddy's little girl. Last week as my great grandma was on her death bed, my emotional side came out. A side of me that my dad has never seen before. My dad, in this new light, was there for me. He saw the hurt and emotion in my eyes and was ready to support me like the man I've never see him be. He was there with open arms, letting me fall into them like I never have before.

The same way I've fallen into the embrace of God over the last seven years, I've finally been able to do the same with my earth father. A good feeling, there is no doubt. :)

Close to God

A couple of weeks ago I flew to Dallas. It was cloudy when we left KC, but the further south we went, I saw the magnificent view I was used to seeing when I fly. You know - those big white puffy clouds that look like cotton balls. As I often do when I fly, I began to thank God for the wonderful creation. Since, I've become fascinated with the sky... I mean, have you ever REALLY looked at it? The colors, the patterns... they're never the same. The scenes in the sky alone just amaze me.

As I'm drawn closer to God with each breathtaking moment, I am reminded in the words of Phillips, Craig, & Dean that "it's not the motions I go through..." I've always been what I call an unconventional Lutheran. Could never sit on my hands during worship, breaking away from the traditional READING of the prayers. If you go to a Lutheran church service, how many of those people sound like they believe the words of the Apostle's creed? I'm not knocking the religion or the people in it... I grew up in the church. So before you get all uptight, listen to what I'm saying...

There's another song by Point of Grace and there's a line in it that says, "Everyone's worshiping something, 'cause that's what we're made to do...I choose You." It's not the religion - it's the form of worship; the RELATIONSHIP. I'm the type that cannot worship sitting on my hands... get me a band so I can clap, bounce around, WHATEVER.

My prayer for you is this: Worship with all your heart, mind, and soul... and choose to worship YOUR way and not worry about what the world thinks of you. Show the world the light of God's love through you and how you worship. God bless!

Fathers

So today is Father's Day. I've had some pretty strong emotions today. During the sermon, Pastor Bob was talking about Godly Father's and their roles in the family. Men are to teach their children about God, take them to church, protect their family, provide... but as pastor is talking, I'm thinking of my own dad. My dad is a very different man than he was when I was little. I don't remember ever sitting next to my dad in church. Even as an adult, I can count on one hand the number of times I've sat beside him on Sunday morning. Pastor was saying one sentence that was never uttered in his house: "Are we going to church today?" This sentence was a weekly thing in my house. Until I could drive, my church attendance was relied on my aunts and grandparents.

I know some wonderful Godly father's. They are wonderful men of God, full of honesty, integrity, love, caring.. and the list continues. For some it's hard to comprehend that God loves you more than your earthly father, because their earthly fathers are so amazing. For me, I don't like being cynical or not believing what God tells me because of the let-down I've experienced when it came to my dad. Even my stepdad, who is a good father, who has taken care of us since he came into the picture, is not a Godly father. Learning about God from my dads was not an option. It was something I've learned on my own and through spiritual people as I've grown older.

As we're praying for the fathers of our church, the tears began to fall. I've never felt the love and embrace from my earthly father. I've never felt the wholeness of attending church as a family and sitting next to my dad in the pew. It is what it is. As I've said before, I've come to realize that I'm finding myself... and on this journey I'm learning many things about my family and realizing even more. As God wraps His arms around me, I find myself praying that I can find this wonderful Godly man, who will someday be a wonderful father and spiritual leader of our house, teaching our children about the Heavenly Father who loves them so much that He died for us. I know that God has this man out there for me.

My prayer for all dads today is that you are able to be holy, obedient, and trustworthy to the family that God has given you. Be that Godly man. I pray that God gives you the strength and courage to lay down your life for your family, make the sacrifices necessary to be everything that you can be, according to God's calling for your life.

Lessons in Life

Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.

When in doubt, just take the next small step.

Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree

Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.

Don’t compare your life to others’. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.

Life is too short for long pity parties.

When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.

No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years, will this matter?"

Get outside everyday. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it.

Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.

You can get through anything if you stay put in today.

I'm just not

For the last week or so I've been pondering my trip to Nebraska. As some of you know, it was an interesting trip for me. I'm not at the same place I was 8 months ago when I moved to Kansas City. I've grown so much as a person, spiritually, emotionally, etc., so I'm not in the same world that they are. I found this song that pretty much sums it up.

Brandon Heath – I’m Not Who I Was
I wish you could see me now
I wish I could show you how
I'm not who I was
I used to be mad at you
A little on the hurt side too
But I'm not who I was

I found my way around
To forgiving you
Some time ago
But I never got to tell you so
I found us in a photograph
I saw me and I had to laugh
You know, I'm not who I was

You were there, you were right above me
And I wonder if you ever loved me
Just for who I was
When the pain came back again
Like a bitter friend
It was all that I could do
To keep myself from blaming you

I reckon it's a funny thing
I figured out I can sing
Now I'm not who I was
I write about love and such
Maybe 'cause I want it so much
I'm not who I was

I was thinking maybe I
I should let you know I am not the same
But I never did forget your name
Hello
Well the thing I find most amazing
In amazing grace
Is the chance to give it out
Maybe that's what love is all about
I wish you could see me now
I wish I could show you how
I'm not who I was

Love this thing...

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In Memory...

This blog is in memory of Chelsie Jensen. I didn't know Chelsie, but she was a very good friend of my friend Meg. At the age of 23, Chelsie was diagnosed with leukemia. Chelsie had been undergoing chemo treatments and was on the list for a bone marrow procedure to increase her chances of survival. Chelsie passed away on Sunday morning, at the age of 23. In the last few weeks Meg and I have had some talks about God and His plan for us.

Meg's fear is that Chelsie didn't believe in God. In the last day, I've been reminded that we don't know what happens in the final moments. Psalm 116:15 says, "Precious in the sight of the Lord, is the death of his saints." As I was looking up that verse and pondering, I mistyped the verse and God led me to Psalm 116:5 which states "The LORD is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion." WOW! I was in awe. Yes, it was a simple matter of me not typing a number. But at the same time, God gave me a verse to share with Meg. In the last week, I have been sharing with Meg some verses about God's plan and how much He loves us. "The Lord is gracious and righteous..." Even though it might not seem like He's being gracious at the time. Yeah, we're angry at Him. Yeah, we question His plan when He takes people away from us so young. We can tell Him that. God isn't scared when we yell at Him.

My only answer right now, is God needed her. God needed Chelsie for His plan. Maybe His plan is to bring Meg and Chelsie's other friends and family closer to Him. We don't know. It's possible to believe, but my prayer is that they ask Him into their hearts as their Savior. He is so mighty and He can make things happen beyond our comprehension. His compassion can out last that of any human. Even when people are close, they seem so far away, but not God. He is ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS there.

With that ~ I'm praying for Chelsie's family and friends, that they have strength and can lean on God in this difficult time. Chelsie ~ You will be missed by those who knew and loved you.

Moms

Being since it's Mother's Day, I thought I'd blog about moms. My mom is absolutely amazing. Having the four kids that she ended up with, I'm sure was a definite challenge for her. :) My mom and I have always had a pretty good relationship. Like any relationship, there have been times in my life when our relationship has been strained. Throughout my life, other than my real mom, I've had a lot of "moms." When I was in school and my mom couldn't come to activities, there would always be someone else's mom willing to cheer me on. Then there's my stepmom... she's a wonderful mother I am sure. I've never given her the title of being my mom because, well, she isn't.

Philemon 1:7 says, "Your love has given me great joy and encouragement..." My mom has always had the ability to make me laugh. Humor is one thing I definitely acquired from her. She's been encouraging in a motherly way, even when she thought I was making a wrong decision. It makes me happy to know that this is the mom that God chose for me. I wouldn't want it any other way. With all the stuff she's dealt with throughout her life, I'm glad it's her that is continually teaching me lessons, making me laugh hysterically, and enjoying life with.

It takes a special woman to be a mom... So I pray that this day is as special as each of you are. Happy Mother's Day to all the mom's. I love you all. :)

Be still....

It's 1:30 am... my prayer journal is beside me... and I'm pondering how to get all my thoughts out without seeming too rambly.

God's working some major things in my life right now. Tugging some major heart strings. However, I hate when I try to analyze what God is doing. My prayer life has been a constant thing lately. In the car... in some pretty random places... I'll find myelf just talking to Him. For the past two nights, I've been having major prayer time before bed... and have had this peace come over me about certain confusions in my life.

Psalm 46:10 says "Be still, and know that I am God..." This morning I woke up, and my brain was still... I had a peace that I felt like God was saying "Just wait... be patient... let Me do My thing..." Long story short - without too many details... A friend of mine called to share some news with me and in the midst of the conversations, statements were made that told me that God truly was working. Confirmations of my thoughts were made... I know He's always working, but how amazing to just sit... and watch His plan unfold...

Being still is not something that's in my vocabulary. I'm always on the go, doing something... So for me to find the patience in God to trust Him and just sit, watch, and wait is something quite amazing. A friend of mine just had me read Ruth 3:18 as I'm typing this. "Then Naomi said, 'Wait, my daughter, until you find out what happens..."

For those of you who know the story as a whole... thank you for letting me share it. For those of you who don't... details are not forthcoming until God's work is done. :) *Sigh...* And now it's 2:15... with nothing but my rambliness accomplished.

My prayer for you is this: That you, too, can Be still, and know that He is God. Let Him work. **Sits back** Just enjoy the journey. It's been a hard lesson for me to learn, but God's teaching me that it's totally worth it, in so many ways.

Until next time...

This one's for GG

I thank God for bringing you into my life everyday. We have shared so many moments... good and tearful. :) I love you!


More Than You'll Ever Know by Watermark

Something brought you to my mind today
I thought about the funny ways you make me laugh
And yet I feel like it's okay to cry with you
Something about just being with you
When I leave I feel like I've been near God
And that's the way it ought to be...

CHORUS:
'Cause you've been more than a friend to me
You fight off my enemies
'Cause you've spoken the Truth over my life
And you'll never know what it means to me
Just to know you've been on your knees for me
Oh, you have blessed my life
More than you'll ever know, yeah, yeah, yeah
More than you'll ever know, yeah, yeah, yeah

You had faith, when I had none
You prayed God would bring me a brand new song
When I didn't think I could find the strength to sing
And all the while I'm hoping that I'll
Do the kind of praying for you that you've done for me
And that's the way it ought to be...

You have carried me
You have taken upon a burden that wasn't your own
And may the blessing return to you
A hundredfold, oh yeah...
A hundredfold, oh yeah...

What have you learned today?

When I was in high school, I worked at a fitness center that was attached to a hospital. When I worked after school, the lady who worked cardiac rehab would always ask me "So what did you learn today?"

Today I learned that there are grown men who look WONDERFUL in a Boy Scout uniform. On Tuesday I started my new job at the Boy Scouts of America. The people are awesome, the training is going well. I am the Field Service Secretary. Basically all the guys that are "in the field" recruiting volunteers, scouts, etc., I'm the one that "takes care of them" by helping their volunteers, setting appointments, processing their training sessions and badges applications.

2007 is starting ok... learning new things everyday. =)

Presence (not to be confused with presents)

In the midst of this Christmas season, I'm very much reminded of God's presence in my life. While I'm worried about the presents I need to buy, I realize that He's there... taking care of me. I am totally happy that I moved to Kansas, not regretting it for one second. I have been very blessed to start working in children's ministry. On Sunday, as I watched the kids at our church do their Christmas program... the program we have been working so hard on for the past umpteen weeks.... it warmed my heart to see them peforming what they had worked so hard on.

God is showing me his tests and He continually blesses me everyday. I'm beginning to sound redundant, but I have never felt His presence more than I do right now. In the last three weeks, I have gotten a job, lost a job, and gotten two more jobs... Starting Monday I will be doing data entry until the end of the year. On January 2nd, I begin my new job at the Boy Scouts Heart of America Council in KC. This means a further drive, more traffic, but more money, AND benefits as soon as I join their payroll (not the staffing place...)

This Christmas season, remember what's important. Remember the real reason of this season and how He has blessed YOU this year.

Merry CHRISTmas!!

Prayer of the day

Heavenly Father,
You know my situation, You know my heart. I'm running on empty in all ways possible. You're in charge. You have a plan. Today, I am begging (and kind of whining) that you help me get over this hump, out of the slump, and hold me in your loving arms. Pray that things will get taken care of like they need to be and I will return to my normal self.

In your gracious name,
Amen


I've noticed something about myself in the last two months, since moving to Kansas... I am a lot more emotional here! I know it's the Holy Spirit working -- totally a good thing. Jeremiah 29:11 and James 1 have helped me considerably during these trials. The Lord has blessed me in ways beyond words. Praying things will look up soon. Love you guys.

Where to begin...

I'm not sure what emotion I'm feeling right now. The need to cry is gone. Doubt and worry take over. Details are not forthcoming right now. Just knowing that God has something better for me is good. He will take care of me, I know it. So many things swirling in my mind... tomorrow is a new day.

First Day

I love my new job!! :) Today was the first day of my job as sales support. Basically I'm their administrative assistant. This week will be filled with filing, familiarizing myself with the companies we work with and the processes of orders. Starting next week I will be training on entering orders into the new system. The people are nice and so funny!! My day began with a meeting with the sales department - teddie and scott. Scott says "we are kind of sarcastic here." and my response was "I am never...." and teddie says "for some reason I don't belive her" and it was all downhill from there. I'll keep you posted on happenings, just wanted to share how my day went. :)

Filled with joy (and emotion)

I have reread my previous post and realized how ungrateful I sounded. I didn't mean to sound that way at all because I am truly blessed at the work God is doing! I think this is the most I've ever shared about my life in a blog.

As many of you know, I was in a car accident a little over a week ago. That same day I had to replace a tire with money I don't have (oh the joys of being unemployed). Right before I got this tire, in the mail I received a birthday check. The amount was just a few dollars under the amount of the new tire.

As discouraged as I was getting, ever since moving I have felt much peace and contentment concerning this move and jobs. I have never had any doubt that God would take care of me. And He is!!!

On Thursday I went to yet another staffing agency and took some tests. On the way home I was pondering how I could keep scoring so well on these tests, but not have a job. Long story short: I had an interview Friday and three hours later the staffing agency called me and said they wanted me to start on the 27th. SO YAAAAAY! After this, another staffing place called and offered me a temp assignment on Tuesday and Wednesday before Thanksgiving.

Yesterday to celebrate me and my friend Tricia's birthdays, we went down to Branson with a few friends. We went to the imax theatre and watched a move about a fighter pilot. As the show is ending, it's showing pictures of this guy's grandfather (who was also a fighter pilot) and then listed awards, medals, and what wars he's fought in. My eyes trailed to the bottom of the screen and read the words "Operation Iraqi Freedom." Tears immediately filled my eyes. I thought about the keyring sitting on my dresser that says the same words. This momento if you will, was given to me by my aunt who is in the Army. She served a little over a month in Iraq... yeah, only a month, not fighting mind you. What she did was nothing compared to what these other soldiers are going through, but nonetheless... she was there. Constantly describing the sounds of bombs in emails... sending pictures practically every day...

Then today I had what was probably the most emotional worship time during church. I was standing there singing, "take joy my king in what you hear; may it be a sweet, sweet sound in your ear..." I don't know what it was, but the tears began to fall. After two more songs of tearful singing (I don't even remember what songs they were), Pastor began his sermon. Telling the story of a guy he had known who had passed away... I didn't know this person, but his story once again brought tears to my eyes. For Thanksgiving service, each family took a Christmas ornament and wrote on it what they were happy for. As me and two friends sat there "decorating" our ornament with thanks, I felt the tears again. What on earth?! By the end of service I was NOT thankful that my mascara isn't water proof. :)

Anyway, I wanted to share my good news and burst with joy and excitement!!

It's the truth

Wow...

On this day 26 years ago, yours truly entered the world. Today was kind of hard for me. Not because of the number itself (however, seeing the range of 26-30 on various things is odd). Being unemployed and my world seemingly being a whirlwind... Today was very hard to not be discouraged. I know it's all in God's time and everything is in His hands. Getting the birthday greetings and calls - it's always good to know that the people God has placed in your life love you, despite what you think about yourself.

I'm not bitter. I'm not depressed. Merely stating how my day was. :) I am very excited for the weekend, spending it with friends and hanging out. Next week I get to go to Nebraska and see my family and Nebraska friends for Thanksgiving. Yes, I'm very blessed and look forward to many more blessings God will bring me in the next year and beyond....

In the news...

So yesterday while I was at work I was reading the news. Don't really have time to read the news at work, but here I was... I read the story about the Georgia mom who wants to ban Harry Potter from schools. The court told her if they banned all books that had to do with magic, they would have to ban MACBETH and CINDERELLA. Cinderella?! Are we kidding??? I think that it's important that children are reading. I've always been an avid reader. Reading helps your imagination grow. I don't think some parents really understand how important reading is. I don't care if you're reading Harry Potter or just a plain jane magazine, you're READING! YAY!! Everytime there is a "banned book" list that comes out, I am usually exclaiming "Oh, I love that book!!!"

So what's the deal? I'm not a parent, maybe I just don't get it. It's just how I see it.

Whew!

Let me take a moment to take a big sigh of relief.

Thanks. I needed that. A huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. The two big talks I had to have are now over. My parents know I'm moving and I gave my two weeks at work. WOOOHOOO! Let the packing begin!!!

I want to thank all of you for your prayers, encouragement, and words of wisdom (oh wise, KSH). I wrote about worrying awhile back. It seems that I've been worrying more often than not lately. Just stressing about the reactions of others. I know I can't base my decisions on what people say, but I've always been a people pleaser. Scared what people will think or say. I'm not saying this is a good trait of mine.

At any rate, God is working and I'm ready for the ride! :) T-minus two weeks and counting.

Break Away

Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I'd just stare out my window
Dreamin' of what could be
And if I'd end up happy
I would pray

Trying hard to reach out
But, when I tried to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I'd pray I could break away

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky
And I'll make a wish, take a chance, make a change
And break away
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But, I won't forget all the ones that I love
I'll take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And break away

Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get onboard a fast train
Travel on a jetplane, far away
And break away

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky
And I'll make a wish, take a chance, make a change
And break away
Out of the darkness and into the sun
I won't forget all the ones that I love
I gotta take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And break away

Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging round revolving doors
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me
But, gotta keep moving on, moving on
Fly away, break away

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye, gotta
Take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And break away
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But, I won't forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And break away

Courage and strength

So... I have a dilema. Well, not so much a dilema. I've had this talk with several people, so I decided to write a blog. So, I basically need to stop being a chicken, and tell my parents that I'm moving in two months. It has been suggested to stop with my car packed and just tell them. Sounds good to me!!

The past two Sundays I have gone to my parent's house with every intent on telling them. It's a 45 minute drive from my house to my parent's. In those 45 minutes I have prayed for hard for God to lead my words and to give me strength. So far, He's not wanting me to say anything. Not sure what He's plan is in that.

As I've discussed with many of you before - it's so hard to tell people that you feel led to do something, when they have never had that feeling. My mom (whose reaction I fear the most) has lived in Nebraska forever; working and raising children. I would love to work and raise children - I just don't see myself doing it in Nebraska. Who's not to say that I won't come back in 10 years... who cares? Just the chance to spread my wings and experience something new!!

I have been looking up verses about courage. Lately, I feel so cowardly and unable to express what I'm thinking with them. Deuteronomy 31:6 says to "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." I know. He's always there. I know this. The question is, where is this strength and courage that I need?? I can't do this without Him. Please pray in the coming weeks (sooner rather than later), that I will be able to have this talk, express that God is leading me, and that I'm taking a leap of faith and trusting that He will provide, no matter where I go.

I love you guys! Have an awesome week, everyone!

Addictions

Ok. I admit it. I have a new addiction...

Fountain pop has to be the best thing ever! Not only do you get more, but it is so much cheaper than bottles or cans. AND it tastes better too! It's just so much more... refreshing than pop in a bottle or a can. The store I go to even has styrofoam cups, so you don't have the ice melting all over your desk. I sound like a walking advertisement for the stuff. This is what working 12 hour days has led me to... blogging about my addiction to fountain pop. Someone help me.

I've just come to the conclusion, that thus far, this is the best thing to be addicted to. Other addictions are bad for you (yes, like pop is so wonderful for you), but they cost a lot too. So for now... I'll stick with this one.

Today's events

So... I had what you might call a bad day at the office. That's putting it a mildly, but it was quite the experience. To make a long story short - a guy pulled a gun on some students in front of the school where I work. The whole thing escalated into a three hour chase, standoff, lockdowns of all the schools in the area, and finally an arrest was made.

Three hours later, I'm attempting to work and answer the phone like everything is back to normal. In reality I'm shaking like a leaf and scared to the bones. In the five years that I've worked in this building, there have been a few scary moments, but nothing like this.

I got to thinking about it later. The situation itself. Many thoughts raced through my head. People I expected to give, not sympathy... but at least a loving 'are you ok?"... did not give it. Those who I least expected, called me in the middle of the ordeal - knowing they were calling to check on me or at least see what was going on.

The whole events of the day are a blur... and now apparently we're having counseling sessions. Maybe it's a bad thing that I'm not all emotional over the days events. I didn't cry. I slept fine, even that night. Not sure what's going on here... maybe I'll let you know after my first session.

Just amazing

As I pondered this blog in my head over the past four days, I was basking in the wonders of God's creation. I was headed to the mountains of Colorado with two of my friends. It had been a stressful month for at least two of us, so things could be interesting!

As I've mentioned, I have a thing for water scenes. During our exploration of Colorado Springs, we drove up a mountain and in the middle was a waterfall. It wasn't the most amazing waterfall I'd ever seen, but just seeing it put me in a "mood." I sat there, feeling the water from the fall, closed my eyes and thanked God for creating such a scene.... and the three hundred other beautiful scenes I saw this weekend. I've been to Colorado before, but never viewed it the way I did this time.

Matthew 17:20 says, "...I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." Oh right! I would like to think my faith is at least as big as a mustard seed, but I'm not sure about that whole moving mountains thing. During this trip, we drove up Pikes Peak... at an elevation of 14,000 feet, above the clouds, I was standing on this mountain and I certainly did not feel as if I could move it. I felt as if every gorgeous scene I saw, I could just weep. God is way too good to us. Giving us everything we don't deserve - I know I surely don't what He has given me.

The point is that He did give them to me. He's there watching me get teary over the things He has created. He's there watching me as I'm thanking Him for the first time for creating what He did. He's there watching me having the most "God moments" in four days then I've had all year... and for that, I'm truly grateful. There's no one better to share it with than Him.

Tired

The introvert in me is tired. I know you're all shocked, but yes... the introvert side of me, does exist. The past week or two have not been good for me emotionally. So many things have happened in my life that have truly made me doubt where God was headed with my life. Not major things, but some things that I haven't ever had to deal with before. Some things were just the icing on the cake, but made my emotions run high.

One thing that has really helped me has been the nightly devotionals with a friend of mine. They've gotten me in the Word and they've gotten me to pray every day. Since we've been doing this, I've experienced little blessings brought to me by the people that God has placed in my life. My faith as a grain of mustard seed, is slowly growing...

Take me out to the ball game!!

Ok ... how long did you think I could go without blogging about my favorite sport ever?? :) This week I had the WONDERFUL opportunity of watching my favorite team play in person. It would have been even better to watch them play at home...but beggars can't be choosers.

There are so many great things related to baseball. I have yet to see a bad baseball movie; my favorite of all time is Field of Dreams. The movie "Fever Pitch" has so many great quotes about baseball that are so true. How many things do you care about today that you cared about 5 years ago? 10? I didn't even care about baseball 10 years ago, but the point is that it's one of those things you carry with you. Some of my favorite memories of mine, take place in ballparks. Whether it's sitting with my parents watching my brothers play; or whether it's sitting with a group of friends in front of the tv... Baseball IS America's past time. Not as much as it used to be, but there's just something about it. The atmosphere of shouting fans, the smells... man. There's just nothing like it. :)

...Buy me some peanuts and cracker jacks....

Yeah. Life is good. :)





Me at Wrigley Field

A Brief Pause...

"We'll take a brief pause for station identification." Yup, it's the top of the hour and you hear this phrase....

If only I would do the same thing with God. If only during the day, when the little things come up, could I pause and identify with God. Pray for even the smallest details of my day, like what am I going to have for lunch?

Phil 4:6 says to not worry about anything, always giving thanks. This verse has always been a favorite of mine because I've identified with it quite a bit. Worrying is something that I've always done. One of things I just can't shake. Everyone has their areas that they aren't totally "free" from. The things that you just can't give completely and totally to God. I have several, thus where my worrying comes in.

If I would take brief pauses and talk to God, putting him in the driver's seat... things would no doubt be different. I've pondered where to take this thought, but really I can't. You can only say it so many ways....

Whatever

The word "whatever" used to be my favorite phrase. I would say it constantly! People were always questioning the term and it's meaning. There's no need to question it; it means whatever you want it to mean... literally.

I happened upon Phil 4:8 one day... "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."

Wow. WHATEVER to that! Sometimes this is easier said than done. Ok, a lot of times! I TRY to think about whatever.... but trying isn't good enough. There are so many times when my thoughts have wondered to things that are not right, lovely, and certainly not admirable. This is something I have really been praying about; that my thoughts and actions speak... whatever. Whatever HE wants me to think and speak. Not what I want. So simple, yet so hard...