Friday, August 08, 2008

There's no crying in baseball!

Last week I stated that it was so exhausting for me. Well, it's gonna get worse before it gets better. I'm pretty sure THIS week has been one of the worst ever. Last weekend my family (stepdad and two brothers) were in KC. We went to two baseball games and they went to Worlds of Fun. I loved having them here and wish I could have spent more time with them. I opted out of WOF because I dislike that sorta thing... anyway, we had fun (see my pictures for the good times).

VBS is this week and it's a good thing it's over tomorrow night. Not that I don't love my kids, because those of you that know me, know better than that. My first night (Tuesday) I made two kids cry. Yup. Actually, it was the fact that they're a little less than disciplined at home. So when Miss Leslie says "no" it's all over.

There's a new boy in my class. I really want him to come to Rainbows. He's absolutely adorable. Kenney is 4 and currently has a broken arm. Which makes it so hard for him to do some of the stuff. I've stuck with him and helped him quite a bit. Sometimes if I catch him not playing a game, or not singing, I'll ask what's wrong. He'll just respond with, "I need a break." Yeah... me too, buddy, me too. Kids know how to say it. I wish I could deal with them 24/7 instead of adults. Adults are just dumb - it's not just boys anymore.

Throughout the week, at least 4 of my kids have cried. (It's not my fault I swear)! All for different reasons... a couple have been rowdy and fallen and then there's those who don't like that 'no' word. So... tonight, it was my turn. The last two weeks have cracked me... I honestly had a breakdown. Not to be a whiney butt... but I'm tired, I'm cranky, my ankle hurts, my blood pressure has been like a rollercoaster, my feet are so swollen I need to invest stock in water pills, and I'm pretty sure my blood sugar is low as I sit here at midnight.

So of course when things are snowballing, I start thinking about my life, and how is this really where I pictured myself at 27? Sheesh. I punish myself way too much for not doing more... in any aspect of life. Things I wish I could change, but somehow don't have control over. The things I do have control over are so out of hand, it's hard to grasp them.

Things to come: We're having company this weekend, next weekend I'll be in Nebraska, the weekend after that we're having girls weekend (bridal shower for Pamela), and then it's 5 fabulous days in Chicago and NYC. In the midst of all that, Rainbows are starting up again, Children's Church, and I think Halloween is coming....

I think it's time for bed... but I'm not sure I'm tired.


Meg Winter said...

I love this blog! I'm sad that you are hard on yourself though. Try to think of the positive things you are doing! When life gets you down, try to think of five things you are grateful for. It does make me realize how lucky I am. I personally think you are doing great Leslie. You packed up and headed to a new place and you are so happy! I'm so proud of you! And you have to know that you are making a different in those kids' lives too!
I also like what you put as your things to come! Keep your head up!

sailfish said...

You so totally rock...seriously. Meg's right, though, you GOTTA cut yourself some slack. We all go through that painful soul-searching thing where we sort of say to ourselves, "so where am I and HOW in the name of all that's good and holy did i GET here???" At least those of us who are thinkers by nature do... ;) Fear passes. God's got your back. He sees it all, and He will not leave you in a place where you will not experience abundant life.

Oh--and nothing wrong with the word "no!" LOL! I have had to explain to small people lately that "sometime the answer is just NO." They'll cry now...but years from now, they'll remember how safe they felt because of the boundaries that Miss Leslie set. They always know where they stand!

Keep it up, girl!