Presence (not to be confused with presents)

In the midst of this Christmas season, I'm very much reminded of God's presence in my life. While I'm worried about the presents I need to buy, I realize that He's there... taking care of me. I am totally happy that I moved to Kansas, not regretting it for one second. I have been very blessed to start working in children's ministry. On Sunday, as I watched the kids at our church do their Christmas program... the program we have been working so hard on for the past umpteen weeks.... it warmed my heart to see them peforming what they had worked so hard on.

God is showing me his tests and He continually blesses me everyday. I'm beginning to sound redundant, but I have never felt His presence more than I do right now. In the last three weeks, I have gotten a job, lost a job, and gotten two more jobs... Starting Monday I will be doing data entry until the end of the year. On January 2nd, I begin my new job at the Boy Scouts Heart of America Council in KC. This means a further drive, more traffic, but more money, AND benefits as soon as I join their payroll (not the staffing place...)

This Christmas season, remember what's important. Remember the real reason of this season and how He has blessed YOU this year.

Merry CHRISTmas!!

Prayer of the day

Heavenly Father,
You know my situation, You know my heart. I'm running on empty in all ways possible. You're in charge. You have a plan. Today, I am begging (and kind of whining) that you help me get over this hump, out of the slump, and hold me in your loving arms. Pray that things will get taken care of like they need to be and I will return to my normal self.

In your gracious name,
Amen


I've noticed something about myself in the last two months, since moving to Kansas... I am a lot more emotional here! I know it's the Holy Spirit working -- totally a good thing. Jeremiah 29:11 and James 1 have helped me considerably during these trials. The Lord has blessed me in ways beyond words. Praying things will look up soon. Love you guys.

Where to begin...

I'm not sure what emotion I'm feeling right now. The need to cry is gone. Doubt and worry take over. Details are not forthcoming right now. Just knowing that God has something better for me is good. He will take care of me, I know it. So many things swirling in my mind... tomorrow is a new day.

First Day

I love my new job!! :) Today was the first day of my job as sales support. Basically I'm their administrative assistant. This week will be filled with filing, familiarizing myself with the companies we work with and the processes of orders. Starting next week I will be training on entering orders into the new system. The people are nice and so funny!! My day began with a meeting with the sales department - teddie and scott. Scott says "we are kind of sarcastic here." and my response was "I am never...." and teddie says "for some reason I don't belive her" and it was all downhill from there. I'll keep you posted on happenings, just wanted to share how my day went. :)

Filled with joy (and emotion)

I have reread my previous post and realized how ungrateful I sounded. I didn't mean to sound that way at all because I am truly blessed at the work God is doing! I think this is the most I've ever shared about my life in a blog.

As many of you know, I was in a car accident a little over a week ago. That same day I had to replace a tire with money I don't have (oh the joys of being unemployed). Right before I got this tire, in the mail I received a birthday check. The amount was just a few dollars under the amount of the new tire.

As discouraged as I was getting, ever since moving I have felt much peace and contentment concerning this move and jobs. I have never had any doubt that God would take care of me. And He is!!!

On Thursday I went to yet another staffing agency and took some tests. On the way home I was pondering how I could keep scoring so well on these tests, but not have a job. Long story short: I had an interview Friday and three hours later the staffing agency called me and said they wanted me to start on the 27th. SO YAAAAAY! After this, another staffing place called and offered me a temp assignment on Tuesday and Wednesday before Thanksgiving.

Yesterday to celebrate me and my friend Tricia's birthdays, we went down to Branson with a few friends. We went to the imax theatre and watched a move about a fighter pilot. As the show is ending, it's showing pictures of this guy's grandfather (who was also a fighter pilot) and then listed awards, medals, and what wars he's fought in. My eyes trailed to the bottom of the screen and read the words "Operation Iraqi Freedom." Tears immediately filled my eyes. I thought about the keyring sitting on my dresser that says the same words. This momento if you will, was given to me by my aunt who is in the Army. She served a little over a month in Iraq... yeah, only a month, not fighting mind you. What she did was nothing compared to what these other soldiers are going through, but nonetheless... she was there. Constantly describing the sounds of bombs in emails... sending pictures practically every day...

Then today I had what was probably the most emotional worship time during church. I was standing there singing, "take joy my king in what you hear; may it be a sweet, sweet sound in your ear..." I don't know what it was, but the tears began to fall. After two more songs of tearful singing (I don't even remember what songs they were), Pastor began his sermon. Telling the story of a guy he had known who had passed away... I didn't know this person, but his story once again brought tears to my eyes. For Thanksgiving service, each family took a Christmas ornament and wrote on it what they were happy for. As me and two friends sat there "decorating" our ornament with thanks, I felt the tears again. What on earth?! By the end of service I was NOT thankful that my mascara isn't water proof. :)

Anyway, I wanted to share my good news and burst with joy and excitement!!

It's the truth

Wow...

On this day 26 years ago, yours truly entered the world. Today was kind of hard for me. Not because of the number itself (however, seeing the range of 26-30 on various things is odd). Being unemployed and my world seemingly being a whirlwind... Today was very hard to not be discouraged. I know it's all in God's time and everything is in His hands. Getting the birthday greetings and calls - it's always good to know that the people God has placed in your life love you, despite what you think about yourself.

I'm not bitter. I'm not depressed. Merely stating how my day was. :) I am very excited for the weekend, spending it with friends and hanging out. Next week I get to go to Nebraska and see my family and Nebraska friends for Thanksgiving. Yes, I'm very blessed and look forward to many more blessings God will bring me in the next year and beyond....

In the news...

So yesterday while I was at work I was reading the news. Don't really have time to read the news at work, but here I was... I read the story about the Georgia mom who wants to ban Harry Potter from schools. The court told her if they banned all books that had to do with magic, they would have to ban MACBETH and CINDERELLA. Cinderella?! Are we kidding??? I think that it's important that children are reading. I've always been an avid reader. Reading helps your imagination grow. I don't think some parents really understand how important reading is. I don't care if you're reading Harry Potter or just a plain jane magazine, you're READING! YAY!! Everytime there is a "banned book" list that comes out, I am usually exclaiming "Oh, I love that book!!!"

So what's the deal? I'm not a parent, maybe I just don't get it. It's just how I see it.

Whew!

Let me take a moment to take a big sigh of relief.

Thanks. I needed that. A huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. The two big talks I had to have are now over. My parents know I'm moving and I gave my two weeks at work. WOOOHOOO! Let the packing begin!!!

I want to thank all of you for your prayers, encouragement, and words of wisdom (oh wise, KSH). I wrote about worrying awhile back. It seems that I've been worrying more often than not lately. Just stressing about the reactions of others. I know I can't base my decisions on what people say, but I've always been a people pleaser. Scared what people will think or say. I'm not saying this is a good trait of mine.

At any rate, God is working and I'm ready for the ride! :) T-minus two weeks and counting.

Break Away

Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I'd just stare out my window
Dreamin' of what could be
And if I'd end up happy
I would pray

Trying hard to reach out
But, when I tried to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I'd pray I could break away

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky
And I'll make a wish, take a chance, make a change
And break away
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But, I won't forget all the ones that I love
I'll take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And break away

Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get onboard a fast train
Travel on a jetplane, far away
And break away

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky
And I'll make a wish, take a chance, make a change
And break away
Out of the darkness and into the sun
I won't forget all the ones that I love
I gotta take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And break away

Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging round revolving doors
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me
But, gotta keep moving on, moving on
Fly away, break away

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye, gotta
Take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And break away
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But, I won't forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And break away

Courage and strength

So... I have a dilema. Well, not so much a dilema. I've had this talk with several people, so I decided to write a blog. So, I basically need to stop being a chicken, and tell my parents that I'm moving in two months. It has been suggested to stop with my car packed and just tell them. Sounds good to me!!

The past two Sundays I have gone to my parent's house with every intent on telling them. It's a 45 minute drive from my house to my parent's. In those 45 minutes I have prayed for hard for God to lead my words and to give me strength. So far, He's not wanting me to say anything. Not sure what He's plan is in that.

As I've discussed with many of you before - it's so hard to tell people that you feel led to do something, when they have never had that feeling. My mom (whose reaction I fear the most) has lived in Nebraska forever; working and raising children. I would love to work and raise children - I just don't see myself doing it in Nebraska. Who's not to say that I won't come back in 10 years... who cares? Just the chance to spread my wings and experience something new!!

I have been looking up verses about courage. Lately, I feel so cowardly and unable to express what I'm thinking with them. Deuteronomy 31:6 says to "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." I know. He's always there. I know this. The question is, where is this strength and courage that I need?? I can't do this without Him. Please pray in the coming weeks (sooner rather than later), that I will be able to have this talk, express that God is leading me, and that I'm taking a leap of faith and trusting that He will provide, no matter where I go.

I love you guys! Have an awesome week, everyone!

Addictions

Ok. I admit it. I have a new addiction...

Fountain pop has to be the best thing ever! Not only do you get more, but it is so much cheaper than bottles or cans. AND it tastes better too! It's just so much more... refreshing than pop in a bottle or a can. The store I go to even has styrofoam cups, so you don't have the ice melting all over your desk. I sound like a walking advertisement for the stuff. This is what working 12 hour days has led me to... blogging about my addiction to fountain pop. Someone help me.

I've just come to the conclusion, that thus far, this is the best thing to be addicted to. Other addictions are bad for you (yes, like pop is so wonderful for you), but they cost a lot too. So for now... I'll stick with this one.

Today's events

So... I had what you might call a bad day at the office. That's putting it a mildly, but it was quite the experience. To make a long story short - a guy pulled a gun on some students in front of the school where I work. The whole thing escalated into a three hour chase, standoff, lockdowns of all the schools in the area, and finally an arrest was made.

Three hours later, I'm attempting to work and answer the phone like everything is back to normal. In reality I'm shaking like a leaf and scared to the bones. In the five years that I've worked in this building, there have been a few scary moments, but nothing like this.

I got to thinking about it later. The situation itself. Many thoughts raced through my head. People I expected to give, not sympathy... but at least a loving 'are you ok?"... did not give it. Those who I least expected, called me in the middle of the ordeal - knowing they were calling to check on me or at least see what was going on.

The whole events of the day are a blur... and now apparently we're having counseling sessions. Maybe it's a bad thing that I'm not all emotional over the days events. I didn't cry. I slept fine, even that night. Not sure what's going on here... maybe I'll let you know after my first session.

Just amazing

As I pondered this blog in my head over the past four days, I was basking in the wonders of God's creation. I was headed to the mountains of Colorado with two of my friends. It had been a stressful month for at least two of us, so things could be interesting!

As I've mentioned, I have a thing for water scenes. During our exploration of Colorado Springs, we drove up a mountain and in the middle was a waterfall. It wasn't the most amazing waterfall I'd ever seen, but just seeing it put me in a "mood." I sat there, feeling the water from the fall, closed my eyes and thanked God for creating such a scene.... and the three hundred other beautiful scenes I saw this weekend. I've been to Colorado before, but never viewed it the way I did this time.

Matthew 17:20 says, "...I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." Oh right! I would like to think my faith is at least as big as a mustard seed, but I'm not sure about that whole moving mountains thing. During this trip, we drove up Pikes Peak... at an elevation of 14,000 feet, above the clouds, I was standing on this mountain and I certainly did not feel as if I could move it. I felt as if every gorgeous scene I saw, I could just weep. God is way too good to us. Giving us everything we don't deserve - I know I surely don't what He has given me.

The point is that He did give them to me. He's there watching me get teary over the things He has created. He's there watching me as I'm thanking Him for the first time for creating what He did. He's there watching me having the most "God moments" in four days then I've had all year... and for that, I'm truly grateful. There's no one better to share it with than Him.

Tired

The introvert in me is tired. I know you're all shocked, but yes... the introvert side of me, does exist. The past week or two have not been good for me emotionally. So many things have happened in my life that have truly made me doubt where God was headed with my life. Not major things, but some things that I haven't ever had to deal with before. Some things were just the icing on the cake, but made my emotions run high.

One thing that has really helped me has been the nightly devotionals with a friend of mine. They've gotten me in the Word and they've gotten me to pray every day. Since we've been doing this, I've experienced little blessings brought to me by the people that God has placed in my life. My faith as a grain of mustard seed, is slowly growing...

Take me out to the ball game!!

Ok ... how long did you think I could go without blogging about my favorite sport ever?? :) This week I had the WONDERFUL opportunity of watching my favorite team play in person. It would have been even better to watch them play at home...but beggars can't be choosers.

There are so many great things related to baseball. I have yet to see a bad baseball movie; my favorite of all time is Field of Dreams. The movie "Fever Pitch" has so many great quotes about baseball that are so true. How many things do you care about today that you cared about 5 years ago? 10? I didn't even care about baseball 10 years ago, but the point is that it's one of those things you carry with you. Some of my favorite memories of mine, take place in ballparks. Whether it's sitting with my parents watching my brothers play; or whether it's sitting with a group of friends in front of the tv... Baseball IS America's past time. Not as much as it used to be, but there's just something about it. The atmosphere of shouting fans, the smells... man. There's just nothing like it. :)

...Buy me some peanuts and cracker jacks....

Yeah. Life is good. :)





Me at Wrigley Field

A Brief Pause...

"We'll take a brief pause for station identification." Yup, it's the top of the hour and you hear this phrase....

If only I would do the same thing with God. If only during the day, when the little things come up, could I pause and identify with God. Pray for even the smallest details of my day, like what am I going to have for lunch?

Phil 4:6 says to not worry about anything, always giving thanks. This verse has always been a favorite of mine because I've identified with it quite a bit. Worrying is something that I've always done. One of things I just can't shake. Everyone has their areas that they aren't totally "free" from. The things that you just can't give completely and totally to God. I have several, thus where my worrying comes in.

If I would take brief pauses and talk to God, putting him in the driver's seat... things would no doubt be different. I've pondered where to take this thought, but really I can't. You can only say it so many ways....

Whatever

The word "whatever" used to be my favorite phrase. I would say it constantly! People were always questioning the term and it's meaning. There's no need to question it; it means whatever you want it to mean... literally.

I happened upon Phil 4:8 one day... "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."

Wow. WHATEVER to that! Sometimes this is easier said than done. Ok, a lot of times! I TRY to think about whatever.... but trying isn't good enough. There are so many times when my thoughts have wondered to things that are not right, lovely, and certainly not admirable. This is something I have really been praying about; that my thoughts and actions speak... whatever. Whatever HE wants me to think and speak. Not what I want. So simple, yet so hard...

Being bored Saturday

So, I'm staying at home for the third weekend in a row (shocker I know). Friday I was thinking it's going to be a weekend of me laying around doing absolutely nothing.

I ended up actually waking up and doing laundry - oh joy. Then a friend called, so we went and got pedicures and had lunch. Pedicures are awesome! After my blog about pore strips, I've gotten a lot of flack... so, good thing you can do for your skin? Pedicures! :)

After lunch my aunt called and wanted to hang out - so we went to a movie, dinner, shopping, got dessert... by this time I was literally falling asleep. Busy day, but good day. Got to hang out with people I haven't seen for awhile.

Now it's Sunday... and I'm going to church for the first time in I can't remember when. :) Have a great day, everyone!

What is THAT?!

Have you ever noticed the things we do for our skin? I was pondering this thought last night as I removed the pore strip from my nose for the third time this week. As a woman who's beginning to see things in a different light, I think skin is evil. It's evil and there are too many things to do to it, several of them painful! There's washing, moisturizing, waxing, exfoiliating, the infamous pore strips, and the list goes on and on...

I have never waxed a hair from my body and I'm not sure I want to experience that pain. However, I will never forget the first time I removed a pore strip from my nose. My exclamations of "What is THAT?!" and "Ewwwww" rang throughout my apartment. Seriously... according to this thing, my nose is an invisible porccupine...and it isnt cute.

What is the purpose? Well... I don't want to think of what my skin would look like if I didn't take care of it as much as I'm starting to. It's just that peeling paper mache off your face isn't appealing, but man my face is soft afterwards!

Maybe I'll get to that waxing thing one of these days...

"Let's get something"

I'm not sure where to begin this post, but when I said those three words, it immediately sounded like a blog title. Sad how things in everyday conversation are suddenly being looked at in a different way. Lately I've had several conversations and then suddenly think or say "That sounds like a blog title!"

At any rate, when I used these words today I got a sense of joy in my heart. Let me explain the conversation that took place. I have been trying for several months to find a job elsewhere (other than the state of Nebraska). One of my best friends and I were both hungry and I said "Let's get something." She said 'ok' even though the problem is that we live 3 hours from each other. So we can't just "go get something." I told her that I can't wait for the day when I can say those three words and we can be together in five minutes. YAY!

With my whole situation on jobs and moving, sometimes it seems as if God isn't answering my prayers. Well, of course He is, I'm just not listening. He is waiting for the right time for me ... for the perfect job so I'm not struggling ... and preparing my heart for this life-changing decision that I'm about to make.

The conversation with my friend continued later that night after I received a call about a job in her area. I suddenly was giddy and twitterpatted and on an all-time HIGH! I was suddenly thinking of something new-things we could do... and they all involved church. In recent years, I have fallen away from being involved in church. My home church is a country church of approximately 400 members. It was here where I taught preschool Sunday School, 5th grade confirmation, and helped out with VBS for several years.

My new church is over 2,000 members and I do absolutely nothing to get involved. It's not that I don't want to. I've always loved this church, but as of lately I have been attending somewhere else because I'm feeling like it's not what I need. My friend had gotten a call from a church in her town asking her to take on an important task. The church she attends now also wants her to take on a ministry...

As soon as I got the call on this potential job, I immediately thought "I can get involved in church again!" I am excited about the possibility of getting this job, but I'm even more excited at the possibilities I'm going to have at church! God is seriously working my heart. I know this because I haven't been excited about getting involved in church for a long time. If... ok, when, not if... God will have something awesome ready for me, plus I will get to be involved in some wonderful ministries.

It's time for me to say "Ok, God. I'm ready. Let's get something!"

Scenery

I've discovered I have a fascination with water. No, not water that comes out of the faucet. Like, bodies of water... water falls, fountains, and the like. I've been attempting to decorate my apartment. I decided to go with two themes. My dining room will be lighthouses (which are near water...) and my bedroom is baseball (this should come as no shock to anyone).

So I'm driving by the campus of UNL pondering my decorating. I think about adding fountains to the dining room with the lighthouses... and then comes the realization that I'm fascinated with water scenes. Photography can never show the true scene that's right in front of you... but man! They are surely amazing! To take this one step further (as if you even wanted me to), I began thinking about scenery in general. God has created so many wonderful things for us to see! No scene is ever the same, but how many times do we actually stop and enjoy it?

One Saturday I was making one of my many trips back to Lincoln from Kansas City (yes, this happens a lot). I had left at 5:00 a.m. to make it to work by 9 (this has been known to happen several times, as well), and as I'm driving, I see this beautiful sunrise that makes me want to pull over. Mind you, it's 6 am and I am dog tired, but how wonderful it would have been to sit and appreciate this work of God. It had been quite some time since I'd actually SEEN the sun rise and seeing this one, made me appreciate things a little more. God spent time... such precious time to create wonders for us that we rarely enjoy, even the little things like a fountain in the middle of the sidewalk. God put it there, stop and enjoy it.




Niagara Falls - One of the many wonderful scenes I have yet to enjoy.

Marriage

On my way home from my parent's house tonight, I was pondering marriage. Not me getting married, but the idea as a whole. I can't believe how something as sacred as marriage, has turned into this "thing" that people just "do"... like they woke up one morning and just decided they were going to get married.

Having been single, literally forever, I've often pondered how wonderful it would be to stand next to the man God has for me, celebrating the many milestones of life. Three years ago my family celebrated the 50th wedding anniversary of my grandparents. This day was so amazing! My family together, leaving behind all disagreements, all arguments... for these two people, who in a span of 50 years, had 14 children, countless grandchildren, and of course, many trials and tribulations that come with it. I look at them sometimes and wonder what they talk about, but then realize that God has put them here for a reason, together, in this moment.

Then you see the couple who has been married for 20 years, three kids, and the wife has recently been informed that her husband has been having an affair for the last year. Being single, it's hard to trust that God will bring us someone that we're compatible with. It's even harder trusting God that we can actually trust this person; for the rest of our lives.

After all the thinking about marriage and weddings, I got to thinking about my relationship with God. Marriage vows hardly seem worth anything to some people anymore, but sometimes that's how I feel about my relationship with Him. I've made these vows... these wonderful vows, to serve, to praise, to worship Him... but am I doing that? How am I holding to my end of the vows? God is always faithful. He will never break His vows - always there to protect us, to guide us. He never said it would be easy, He said we would never be alone. Which is true, but we need to keep our end of the vows too. Before I can truly long for the one person that God has planned for me, I need to concentrate on keeping my vows to Him and truly have that relationship with Him... not just a "thing" that I decided to "do" one day just because...

Having so much to say...

I was listening to the radio the other day when a song came on that totally described how I had been feeling for the past few weeks. My emotions had been at all-time high and listening to country music was not helping me. The song I'm speaking of is talking about being able to live with certain things, but living with regrets in one's life... the chorus says something about "What hurts the most was being so close; having so much to say and watching you walk away..."

How true is this for my life? I can't help but think of every day occurrences that happen, when I don't speak what I'm thinking, but instead I merely let the moment pass. On the other hand there are so many moments when I have spoken what's on my mind and have ended up regretting it in the end. Words are so amazingly powerful... they can leave someone feeling like they're the greatest person on earth, but they can also leave you feeling like you're two inches tall.

God is slowly teaching me think about my words before speaking - this has never been one of my best traits - even now, 25 years later, I still haven't gotten the message, but He's teaching me to not let the moments pass...